Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Jenn's Top Eleven Reasons for 'Choosing' a Gay Lifestyle

Since we all know that being gay is a choice that many of us make (even though it would be oh so easy to be straight if we really wanted it badly enough), I decided to list my top eleven (just to be, well, gay) reasons for making my decision to be gay. I weighed the options for awhile and took a lot of surveys before deciding that this would be the easiest way for me to live the rest of my life.

I’m sure that there are other gays who used the same rational logic to make their final decisions as well. The decision should never be made based on love and mutual respect; nor should the desire to spend a lifetime with that one special person ever play a role in your decision. Being gay is not about love or being loved. It’s about celebrity and sex and death threats and all kinds of grody stuff!

If you’re contemplating a lifestyle change, call me for a free initial consultation….

Jenn’s Top Eleven Reason for ‘Choosing’ A Gay Lifestyle:

11. Ostracision from society just feels sooo good…
10. Look at all the great media coverage you get!
9. Because no one really wants proud parents, now do they?
8. The adrenaline rush that you get when you think of losing everything if your partner dies.
7. Well, I wanted to get a nose ring, but it just wasn’t different enough…
6. It’s really easy to have sex with and spend a lifetime with someone that you aren’t really attracted to, as long as it makes you look cool.
7. Gays give better presents than straights do.
8. It’s endearing to watch friends and neighbors ask their children if anything ‘happened’ to them while they were at your house.
6. Mormons are such great orators that it’s nice to hear them speak at great length about Sodom and Gomorrah.
5. Palpable tension really speeds the evening along.
4. Everyone likes to be asked about what they ‘do’ in bed. Gays, especially like talking details, since they have no shame or desire for privacy.
3. I don’t need job security. The economy is strong, and I can find another job if I get fired.
2. I prefer that people make snap judgments about me based on factors other than my personality, ethics and demeanor.
1. Once I reach the platinum tier, I get double points for every new recruit.

Oppressing gays will make them stop being gay. Look how well it worked with the Blacks and Jews…

1 comment:

Sheila said...

Wow! Your life is all glamour and glitter! Love you:)