Tuesday, November 4, 2008

What Should Have Been The Happiest Day Of My Life... But Wasn't

So we have an African American president; a departure from the traditional pale male and his name sounds somewhat akin to a well- known terrorist.

We actually stepped outside of our bible-waving, pulpit-thumping, narrow-minded pews for a brief moment and we made history.

The world will never be the same again, regardless of the quality of his presidency...

So why am I crying?

Because I spent the last two weeks planning a trip that was the most important trip I have ever taken. I called the courts, made the arrangements, picked a date and, most importantly, kept the secret.

... and today I bought the ring...

.513 Karat, white gold, simple solitaire. Nothing fancy, but great clarity and quality.

I wrote out what I wanted to say and I bought a beautiful diamond necklace in the shape of a star that I could give to her on our special day to let her know that I thank my lucky stars that she has been by my side for the last fifteen years and that I am so lucky to spend the remainder of our lifetimes together.

I was going to keep the necklace a secret and just give her the ring, so that she would have two special surprises. It didn’t work out that way…

I never cared one way or another about the gay marriage issue. I didn't need the government to sanction or validate what I already knew and accepted. Telling me that it's OK to live the way I've been living for twenty years isn't going to make a difference in the way I continue to live, so what's the point?

The point is that my love is no different from anyone else's so why should my recognition?

How can I be separate but equal? If you build a fence between me and everyone else, let them cross the fence but not me, how can I possible be equal to them? What's fair about that?

We traveled to California last month for our next door neighbors' wedding.

When I told my mom that we were going, she asked if we were getting married while we were there, too.

The thought had never even crossed my mind, but when she asked, my heart skipped a beat momentarily, and I YEARNED to say yes.

I don't want a 'holy union' or a 'commitment ceremony'. I want it to be real if I'm going to do it at all; and for a moment it could have been.

I thought once or twice since the trip that we should have done it while we were there, but I didn't want it to be a spur of the moment decision, like eloping on vacation in Vegas. I wanted it to be special, just like Katrina is special.

Besides, if we had gotten married on the last trip, and they amended the constitution after the fact to nullify it, there would be a bloody rampage by a psychotic lesbian in the streets of LA.

So I went down to the jeweler today and tried to be oblique about my intentions to buy an engagement ring. I asked to see several and the girl asked if it was for me or someone else. I sighed and said it was for someone else and she smiled and giggled and got everyone else on staff involved in the decision. They were so adorable and understanding.

“My neighbor’s gay. My sister’s gay. My hairdresser”, and on and on.

“What happens if the prop. passes?”

“I’ll just give her the necklace instead.”I was confident that this wouldn’t happen.

They wouldn’t TAKE AWAY the rights that had already been granted. There were bigger issues out there.

Apparently not…

I am personally a threat to the ‘sanctity’ of marriage. How, I don’t know, but apparently, I am.
What’s the current divorce rate?

So instead of posting a loving announcement that I am getting married, for real, I write these words through the tears of heartsick disappointment.

I gave Katrina the necklace and told her that I thank my lucky stars that she chose me to love and then I burst into tears. I told her that the necklace was not meant for today; that it was supposed to commemorate a bigger event than this.

We had both been watching the polls for prop. 8 (for different reasons) and knew that it was going to pass, so I pulled the ring out of my pocket and told her through my tears that I fervently wished I was giving her this instead.

We cried and held each other and thanked our lucky stars that, no matter what else happens, we still have each other, and a lifetime together…

And to the great state of California and 52% of its residents:


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