To Green or Not to Green...

I am in a moral pickle and I need some advice. Well, I don’t really need advice; I know what I should do, but it’s not what I want to do. More specifically it’s not what Katrina wants to do.

You see I have this car: this beautiful, fast German car made by a quaint little company calledBavarian Motor Works. You may have heard of them.

This car is by far the sexiest, most luxurious thing I have ever owned (Since I don’t own Katrina, she doesn’t count) and whether I like to admit it or not, this car fills a need (or desire or hole… something) inside of me.

When I drive this car, I feel thin and beautiful (a stretch, I know), successful and maybe a little bit admired. This car reminds me of how far I’ve come and from where and it is also the only thing of significant value that I have ever purchased entirely on my own with no help from anyone else (spouse included). I qualified for the loan by myself, have made all of the payments myself and picked it out myself. This is quite an accomplishment for a gal who could barely hold down a job seventeen years ago.

The irony is that this car represents everything that I once abhorred and swore I would never be a part of.

You see, my folks were part of the Silent Generation right on the cusp of the Baby Boomers. Technically, my dad is a boomer because he is two years younger than my mom.

They both grew up in families of three girls and one boy. My dad is the oldest of his brood and my mom is the middle girl with her brother as the baby.

They both grew up in working class families: My maternal grandpa was a mechanic and my paternal grandpa was a truck driver/ rocket mechanic. My dad’s family moved all over hell’s half acre like gypsies and my mom’s family stayed put in the same house until her father died when she was nearly thirty.

Both sets of my grandparents lived through the depression, albeit as children or teenagers, but they remembered the struggles of the time and they all vowed that their children would never live through the struggles that they had to. They also lived through a world war with food rations and Victory Gardens, so they prescribed to the motto: use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

Many SGers and BBers grew up with hand-me-downs and handmade clothes, just like my parents. They shared rooms, chores and responsibilities and their parents hammered home the work ethic that made the baby boomers the ‘greatest generation’.

The Boomers Generation was the generation with the highest level of education and the lowest rate of poverty in the modern world (1750-2010). With the maturity of the BB’s we saw the coining and recognizable usage of the phrase “Conspicuous Consumption”. The last fortyish years have seen a generation of people who grew up with little but found nearly endless opportunity at their doorsteps.

Please note that I realize that I am somewhat generalizing an entire age group and I don’t mean to eliminate the margins… I realize that the latter half of the past century saw it’s fair share of hard times and folks who probably don’t feel like they were offered unlimited opportunities but in general (the whole idea of generalizing in the first place) there was more widespread industrial, educational and technological opportunity for wealth then ever before seen in the modern world.

With that being said, my folks we some of the fortunate ones. My dad and mom both worked hard and sacrificed for our family and our future; and while there were hard times that I vaguely remember as a young child, most of my formative years were spent in relative luxury. My dad is an oil man (ironic, isn’t it?) so he made good on the promise of the American Dream.

Growing up, we lived a few doors down from the country club and our house, which I didn’t realize until I took my first girlfriend to visit, was larger than at least three of the houses she grew up in. After living in a rat-shit apartment in Mobile, Alabama; coming home was quite the wake-up call for me. I had really taken much for granted before I set out on my own.

The home my dad lives in now sits on I’d guess an acre and has an eight car garage and nearly 8000 square feet. It is located in an area that was once the destination for Housonians known as the Woodlands. It is certainly a testament to both hard work and a little bit of luck.

Rest assured that all eight of those garage bays are filled and in fact, one vehicle is actually stored off-site since I believe his wife is not fond of the 1976 Ford Econoline van in mint condition that he bought when my now thirty-seven year old countenance was barely a toddler of two. She is often defensive about the fact that he had fifty years worth of life already lived before they met and married and she does her best to eliminate reminders of the PT era (Pre-Tutti).

In addition to the van, his fleet consists of: a 2009 BMW 325C convertible, a Jeep Wrangler, a Yukon XL, a King Ranch 350 dually, a Lincoln Towncar , a 1965 Ford Galaxie 1500 Convertible and a Honda 1800. I think I’m missing one but I can’t remember which.

In spite of all of this luxury and success, my dad’s dedication to hard work cost him a marriage, being involved in his daughter’s formative years and ultimately his own happiness. He lives but a mask of the life he could lead and I know that he hides behind his lack of emotion to keep his continuing feelings of inadequacy at bay. He feels that his only worth is in his ability to work and provide income.

Because of his desire to overcompensate, I never wanted for anything and was greatly, if unintentionally, spoiled. When I struck out on my own, I had less than no idea about how to care for myself and faced greater than my share of challenges when it came to holding down a job, paying bills and saving money. I didn’t even know how to do laundry, clean up after myself of do my own laundry because we had a maid and a gardener and a mom who took care of that. Learning to function as something other that a spoiled-rotten brat took a long time. Sometimes it still does.

Because of this, I have always sought to distance myself from the trappings of wealth (I did a wonderful job for many years- just ask Katrina). As I grew older, the living from hand to mouth and paycheck to paycheck got a little old so I seized opportunity when it arose to provide a better future for my family (much like my folks did). While basking in my success at last, I also got caught up in the same mindset that holds my dad hostage. The fatalistic American pastime of “Keeping Up With The Joneses”, although to a lesser extent.

We bought two new cars, put the house on the market for something bigger and bought all of the right clothes, shoes and accessories (for the lesbian scene, anyway).

Then I looked around at my darling little house that was too small for all of my stuff and thought,”Why not get rid of all the stuff?”

So that’s what we did… We got rid of the crap that was weighing us down and got back to basics. We got rid of the $40,000 Honda Accord Hybrid, started gardening again, got into a more simplistic way of living. We started saving money, paying off bills and planning for the future.

But one little scrap of affluence remains… We keep justifying reasons to keep it:

1. It’s affordable- after paying $16K in cash as a down payment, I owe less than it’s currently worth and make payments less than a friend pays for her Hyundai.

2. It’s all wheel drive- excellent for the nasty Utah winters

3. It’s safe- Doesn’t our family’s safety come first???

4. It’s reliable- Bavarian ingenuity at it’s finest

5. It’s practical- everyone carries bales of hay in the trunk of their beemers, right?

6. It’s green- this is a gray area. Yes, it uses synthetic oil that is 100% recyclable and only needs to be changed every 15,000 miles (thousand, not hundred); it’s manufactured with very little waste, nearly all of which is recycled and, as evidenced by the sheer number of old beemers still around, lasts forever. But when a car responds to a gas pedal like this car responds to a gas pedal, fuel consumption becomes a bit questionable. This is also evident in the fact that I lived for thirty –five years on this earth without acquiring a single traffic ticket and in the two years since buying this car, I have managed to rack up and impressive FOUR!

So now I want to live life more simply and depend less on the almighty dollar to fulfill the empty little pockets in my soul. I want to live and laugh and love for more often than I work, worry and wait.

I want to travel and eat and swim and play. I want to make things grow and I want to create useful things.

I want to learn and share and be free of the fetters that bind so many Americans in chains that they can’t even see or feel.

Now I need to convince Katrina that her journey is more important than her stats whist getting there (and in her case, how fast she gets there while the stereo kills the few remaining audio nerve receptors left in her skull).

Mark Twain once said “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

At the end of the journey what’s more important, the car you drove or where you drove it?

Victory Gardens

Propaganda posters from the war in support of the Victory Garden movement.

Cool history, and as a gardener, I think they're neat.

New Solar Powered Clothes Dryer Technology Discovered!!!!

Thanks to innovative technology, you can now build your own solar energy clothes dryer for the unbelievable price of $1.00.

Only in this age of super polymers and efficient production techniques, could this kind of energy savings be achieved for such an affordable price. Imagine being able to dry all of your clothes by harassing the awesome power of the sun- for FREE!!!

Below, please find the first ever published pictures of this new technology. Remember, this is never before seen footage of this cutting edge technology:

Modern technology is absolutely breathtaking, isn't it?

Despite what looks like complicated installation procedures, I predict that this form of solar energy use will skyrocket in the upcoming months, as the sun brings its raw power to full force in the dog days of summer.

If you are interested in plans to make your very own solar dryer for only $1.00, please send me fifty bucks and i will send you the very complicated schematics necessary to build this awesome machine.

Unanswered Questions vs. Unquestioned Answers

My friend Harold is a minister and author who likes to pose riddles or ask questions that make you think. Then he analyzes them and gives feedback. I really liked this one-

Harold: Try this- You walk into a large foyer of a building. You see two signs. One points down a hall and is marked "Unanswered Questions." The other sign points in the other direction and is marked "Unquestioned Answers." What are your reactions to each sign? If you respond, I'll tell you what I think your most like…

Jenn: I choose unquestioned answers because I already have so many unanswered questions and I am tired of asking 'why?' I want some answers before I need them for a change. Plus, I like the idea of a Jeopardy scenario where I can sort of think backwards, which I tend to do anyway...


Harold: "Answers before you need them"--great phrase! For me, everybody actually has these, but the questions have to arise before we can identify what we already know and apply it in any particular dilemma or crisis. This is particularly true when a person is involved in a quest for their deepest personal identity. Long-term asking "Who am I?" frees you to look back over everything that has happened to you to find wisdom, to be more conscious of what is happening in the present to be fully alive, and to envision your future dreams as already coming true so you'll recognize them when they happen.

This is an interesting thought and I do wonder if I am on a quest to find my deepest personal identity. I feel more like I want to be than I ever have before and I ponder the thought that maybe I am coming into my own and looking to define what my values mean to me.

When I was younger, I cared a great deal what people thought of me and I missed out on a lot of the fun around me because of it. Now that I am older, I care far less what others think of me because I know more about who I am. Those who won't accept me for who I am no longer concern me because I am not going to become someone they want me to be. If they don't like ME, the person that I really am, then why should I change the wonderful person inside of me to fit into their narrow mold of what they would like me to be?

I want to be free; free from the constraints of society. Free to feel and think and say what I want (within reason and without bringing pain to others). I don't want friends or acquaintances who try to limit who I am. i want to know those who will edify me, challenge me and make me want to be a better person because they see me as more than I see myself. I also want to be that kind of friend for others. I want to be a positive influence on others , as well.

Symbiosis is common in relationships, from the workplace to the bedroom. If one person is negative, it's like cancer to those around who share the same tendency or emotion. But if the same person is positive and enthusiastic, that can also be just as contagious. I wish to be the latter rather than the former and this is a struggle for me.

My mom is one of the most pessimistic people I know; not because she is a naturally bitter or angry person, but because she truly loves people and has been hurt and used in the past (like we all have) and she has allowed her hurt and pain to develop into mistrust. Mistrust is a reflex that we develop in order to protect ourselves and it can often come in handy in certain situations (a dark alley, late at night, for example), but it can also overwhelm us if we allow it too much play in our lives.

Having been raised under the thumb of her mistrust, I also tend towards the cynical on occasion. But nature versus nurture is an interesting argument in this case because I am much more naturally optimistic and fearless than my mom is. This is both a blessing and a curse. I hurt for her when I see her fearing to live but she is often a steadying influence on my flighty nature.

I look forward to learning more on my continuing journey. Maybe I should go on a quest with a sexy sidekick; just like Xena, warrior princess... Wow, that's a hot, sapphic fantasy...

Excuse me a moment...

Every spring I get homesick for a magical place that, although I was not born in, lives inside of me each day and has shaped the person that I am.

Home can mean many things to many different people. It can be where you are from or a happy memory; it can be a state of mind or a familiar smell that evokes bygone memories. It can be where you hat your hat or it can be a dream you aspire to achieve.

Home has been all of these things for me at some point in my life and often it is for me several of these feelings and memories all at once.

The feeling of home can even be irreconcilable, warring emotions that tear you between one love and another. There is a lyric which captures my own internal struggle to reconcile my feelings for the life I lead and the one I might have led once upon a time: “I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away. I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is…”

Each day of our lives, we must choose between one path and another. Each path carries possibilities and chances and room for regret. I believe that we have all mourned the road not taken in our lives at some point. Often that regret is revisited periodically; sometimes to remind ourselves of the freedom to choose, other times to flagellate or berate ourselves for choosing the “wrong” path.

The searches for self and home are to me, twin souls holding hands on the same journey; they are not joined at the hip unable to separate from each other, but they often clasp hands to follow the same footpath. Occasionally, one lets go to explore the scenic route, but inevitably finds them self again holding hands on the path to the original destination.

I lived a magical life once, in a fantasy land filled with music and color and smiling people. I found the kind of person I wanted to become: Gentle, adventurous, hard-working, fun…

For me, life in this magical place was simple and easy but still exciting and dangerous. Things that had never occurred to me in my former life came easily to hand in my emancipated state. Nothing was beyond the realm of possibility; no adventure too great.

I could spend days surrounded by saltwater lagoons, bathing in the warmth of the South China Sea. I watched native tribesman with homemade goggles, snorkels and wooden fins strapped to their sandaled feet circle around me with their fishing spears as I arose from ocean depths. Once I was clear, they would surge thirty feet to the floor and skewer the deadly stonefish that I had been observing a few moments before.

I’ve ridden malnourished mules into a volcano and slid down a muddy mountainside in a post-war Jeepney with bald tires. I’ve trekked thorough ancient cocoa tree jungles with an AK-47 wielding guide to guard against the prevalent kidnappings of the region. I’ve forded rivers in small hollowed boats paddled by frogmen to the mouths of silt- laden waterfalls where bony caribou rise from the river bottoms like horned phantoms placidly chewing water bulbs like cud.

I’ve dove with sharks, turtles, sea snakes, stonefish, barracuda and territorial triggerfish that gave me a punctured fin as a memento.

I’ve eaten python and live octopus and rancid fertilized duck eggs. I’ve slept in bus stations, cabs and vans, on beaches and planes, in jungles and boats.

But the most important thing I did in this land of wonder was grow. I grew into the kind of person that I wanted to be, shaped by the example of a people who know what it means to have fun and who look at the world with a child’s sense of wonder and a sage’s lifetime of wisdom. A people who will throw party if all they have in the larder is a cup of rice and a bottle of beer.

I miss this home; the road not taken. I made other choices that have led me down a most successful path. I am happy and content and all that I have I owe to this experience. I will be ever grateful for the love that I have in my heart for a tiny necklace of islands in a faraway land and as happy as I am, I will always wonder what might have been. Pag-ibig ko sa inyo ang aking matamis na lupain…

Update: Beehives and Seedlings

I finally built my hive body in anticipation of my bee colony:

Now I just have to paint it with some low VOC paint and install the top and bottom boards and I will be all set for the bees to establish their new home.

I even saved loads of money by buying Tyvek painter's suits with elastic cuffs on Amazon. Normally, the suits cost upwards of $90 and I got mine for $9 and Katrina's for $6.78. Total with shipping was around $23. I also got two sets of gloves off of eBay for $21 after shipping and a vintage hive smoker from icollect for $20 including shipping.

I also saved at least $40 by making my own bee veils from a great pattern I found online. I employed a couple of spare river hats that we keep just in case and spent $3.88 for netting at the Evil Empire- I know, I know...I feel dirty but the same fabric would have been $10 at the fabric store and I would have had to drive six extra miles so my decision was a moral and Eco-conscious choice and I stand by it... OK, we all know I'm a sellout, let's move on, shall we?

The remaining materials I had lying around (I heart re-purposing) and below is the finished product (bless Katrina's terrible photo skills; she tries so hard):

I alsofinally took pictures of my ghetto seed table:

It must be working, though, because look at all of my sprouts after four days:

So the season is off to a great start and I am super-excited about spring. I look forward to sharing my bounty with all of you!

Garden Update for February

Bees, bees, bees!!!!

Last week we bought our hive body and ordered 3 pounds of bees to be delivered the second week in April. I am assembling the body this weekend and I will get the remaining pieces to start the colony in the next few weeks. I will need the frames, a telescoping cover and a bottom board to start and I hope to need a honey super by July or so. I am really excited about it and I hope it goes well. We are placing the hive in the southeast corner of the yard to prevent most mishaps.

We also planted most of our seedlings this week and have the flats under grow lights in the dining room. It's a pretty ghetto setup: I have a black kitchen rack bookshelf with three selves and we have grow lights strapped to each shelf. They are all plugged into a timed power strip so I have cords all over my dining room. I will update pictures soon so that you can see how I live in squalor.

So far, we have planted:

Luffa gourds (for sponges)

golden scalloped squash

eggplant

ace pickling cukes

tomatillo

delicata squash

tan gourd

green and white gourd

Arugula

Asparagus

french beans

shelling peas

long island brussel sprouts

jesi cauliflower

broccoli

luther hill corn

strawberry popcorn

amaranth

chickweed

watercress

tango lettuce

buttercrunch lettuce

monnopa spinach

buran sweet peppers

cayenne

yellow pepper

orange pepper

jalapeno

scotch kale

valenciano pumpkin

rogue vif d'etampes pumpkin

galeux d'eysines pumpkin

dill

basil

flat leaf parsley

I still have to sow two kinds of carrots, 2 kinds of radish, romaine lettuce, iceberg lettuce and a few more herbs. The flats are ready but I ran out of time last night. We won't do tomato from seed because the community garden plant sale has the best heirloom tomatoes. All of our seeds are heirloom this year so I hope to have some delicious food to eat. Katrina has been canning like crazy, so storage won't be a problem. She also bought me a new dehydrator for my birthday because ours is about on it's last legs.

I have partnered with two other ladies to garden share this season. One lives in sugar house and we are part of the sustainable food circle eco- cooperative project. The other lady has two acres about a block from the trax station on the way home from work, so that is where the squash, gourds and pumpkins are going to go. I am really excited about this season.

We also finished secondary fermentation on our first batch of beer and hope to bottle this weekend. We also assembled all of the ingredients to make a batch of wine. We have chosen an Italian recipe called Luna Rossa. Brewing and winemaking is teaching me patience since I won't know for several months up to a year whether the process was successful or not.

Our chickens are finally starting to lay regularly again now that the weather has warmed and we're getting four eggs a day. We hope to be up to full production of ten eggs a day by March, if the weather holds. A snowstorm here and there doesn't upset them, but long spells of cold weather will halt good egg production.

We are still making our own butter and are finding many interesting recipes for using the buttermilk which only keeps for a few days. Katrina is baking bread and making sourdough starter so that we no longer have to buy bread or rolls.

I am also building a solar oven out of a tire to cook certain food with no energy other than the sun. Breads are a great example of solar energy cooking. I will let you know how the experiment goes.