Speaking of Chickens...

Here are the latest picture of our little (soon to be) egg-laying compost machines. These ladies have a lot of attitude...

Left to Right: Cashew, Kung Pao and Moo Shu

Moo Shu

Cashew and Kung Pao

Kung Pao

Jenn and Moo Shu hanging out

Bureaucratic Stupidity at It's Finest

I am a responsible pet owner: All of my animals are spayed or neutered, they are all micro chipped and they all receive their annual vaccinations.

Additionally, they all eat Iams food, receive their heartworm medication from April to October and are otherwise spoiled rotten.

They all have cushy pet beds (all over the freaking house), toys, treats and cuddles. They get bathed and groomed regularly and furminated once a month (God bless you, dear furminator). They go for walkies and van rides and camping trips. They each get to take turns going to Lowe's and they even have new puppy gates on the porch so they can be out front with us when we are in the garden.

Despite all of this, we are criminals in the eyes of Salt Lake County. You see, the law allows only two dogs per household within the county limits and we *gasp* have three.

It doesn't matter that that they are well cared for or that we can afford to provide for them. It doesn't matter how much we love them or how well behaved they are (a highly debatable subject).

It doesn't matter that shelters are full to overflowing because hundreds of thousands of families can no longer provide for both their children and their beloved pets in the increasing economic recession, and 'free to good home' ads go unanswered for weeks because nobody has the financial means to take on additional mouths to feed.

If the county wanted to, they could force me to give up or euthanize one of my dogs because I am in violation of their arbitrary county code, even though these dogs have been my family for the past ten to fifteen years (Fritz is ten, Sidney is thirteen and Casey is fifteen).

I can pop out all the illegitimate kids I want, and still qualify for welfare in this state, but I cannot keep three sterile, happy dogs because of some bullshit code.

Ironically, the above diatribe is not even what this post is actually about...

Despite my chafing at the restrictive language of the county laws, I still try to be as law abiding as I possibly can. County law demands that all dogs residing within the county lines be licensed with the Division of Animal Services. Since two members of my brood are legal, I keep their licenses current every year.

Historically, the fee for a non-sterile animal has been $25 and sterilized animals cost $5. The animal must maintain current rabies and bordetella vaccinations and you must provide proof of vaccination every year or risk additional fines.

Since both of my kids are fixed, it has cost me $10 a year for the past 8 years.

Wednesday I received Sidney's annual renewal reminder and the fee for her was $20!

Don't get me wrong, $20 is not a lot of money but....

The county decides to raise the annual fee by 400% for each pet during an economic recession when people are living hand to mouth and finding it increasingly difficult to continue to provide for both their families and their pets, thus exacerbating a problem of already epidemic proportions!!!

Way to think ahead, Division of Salt Lake County Moron Employment Service!!!

Had you eliminated your ridiculously limiting arbitrary laws in the first place, you could have been making money off of me for the past sixteen years by allowing me to have my four (when Bear was alive) dogs and charging me for them. I would have happily paid $20 a year for the past sixteen years to keep my pack legal.

Instead, I paid your pittance for two dogs, kept an additional two dogs illegally for thirteen years (fat lot of good your laws did you, huh?), thus depriving you of an additional $130 in revenue (multiply by at least ten thousand illegal dog owners in the county).

Now, because you spend God knows how many years cutting off your nose to spite your face (do you know how many residents in Salt Lake county have more than two dogs?), you've decided to bend me over and really give it to me good...

What? No lube???

The Accidental Shoplifter

Katrina and I had tickets to the Indigo Girls concert up at Red Butte Gardens the other night and we decided to ride our mopeds and pick up Greek food on the way to the concert, to eat on our blanket while awaiting the start of the concert.

When I ordered the food, I specifically asked for as few boxes and assorted disposable materials as possible, to which they obliged. Mostly....

We were given two boxes of food and four knives, four forks and four spoons. I really don't think we ordered that much food (2 chicken souvlaki sticks, 2 pita breads, one order of feta cheese and Baklava for dessert), but apparently it was enough for a Greek battalion, thus warranting enough cutlery for a week long bivouac.

Upon witnessing this incredible waste of resources (I did recycle the unused pieces by taking them to work, but still...) I decided to make our own to-go utensil packs for our mopeds and bicycles.

So off to the DI we went, in search of funky retro cloth napkins and silverware.

I love the DI, it's green to re-use someone else's old junk and I love finding crazy vintage stuff at a lower price than those trendy, overpriced resale boutiques. Plus, I am one of the few people that can find something cool nearly every time I go there, a feat which frustrates my shopping companions (one of the fringe benefits of being the sole offspring of Bonnie Holt, Power Shopper Extraordinaire).

While I didn't find any silverware that I liked (or though was uncontaminated by mutated Botulism), I did find a crazy print laundry bag that I am going to turn into napkins. I also found a great combo corkscrew/bottle opener that was perfect for our picnic wagon, so I handed it to Katrina for her approval and moved on to the next aisle.

Once home, we dumped out our plundered booty and proceeded to sort everything to wash (I love the DI but... EVERYTHING gets washed... In hot... with bleach and Cipro... ).

As I was getting ready for my shower last night, I remembered that I didn't see the opener when we checked out or when we sorted everything at home, so I asked Katrina if she put it down because there was something wrong with it or she just didn't like it.

"No, it was in there somewhere", she replied.

I shook my head, "No, it wasn't there. Are you sure you didn't set it down while you were fooling with the CD players?"

Her eyes widened and realization spreads over her face. She reaches down into her left hand pocket, blinks and gulps and pulls out the opener with the fifty cent price sticker still attached.

As unfunny as the situation should have been, Katrina with the horror in her eyes and her mouth agape made me burst into a fit of hysterical laughter. I couldn't even continue to stand and sank to the floor of the bathroom, inappropriately chortling.

Although I offered to go in her place, Katrina went back this morning to pay them their fifty cents and blame A.D.D. for her lack of awareness. Always pass the blame whenever you can....

I am a member of the Salt Lake City food co-op highlighted in the article below and I have been preaching about the benefits of the co-op for nearly a year and my sermon has fallen on mostly deaf ears. Consider me the Jehovah’s Witness (or if you’re a JW, consider me a Mormon missionary) who just won’t go away. I, too have a wonderful story to tell and I don’t require tithing.

Everyone thinks there's a catch to this or that the food is garbage or leftover from somewhere; but those who think that are dead wrong. There are over 100,000 members in the co-op now and that means local, volume buying power (which equals discounts = cheaper prices for us all). During the summer and fall, you can even order the Farmer's Market Share which is 100% organic.

Look at it this way: Many of us shop at Smith's (or Albertson’s, Harmon’s, Ream’s), right? Well, they buy their products from wholesalers or direct marketers at wholesale prices. They then turn around and sell you and me the same product at a higher cost in order to make money. All the co-op does is to eliminate the middle man and allows you and I to buy at the wholesale rate. Plus, it allows the Utah food pantries to join in and make those dollars go farther to help our fellow Utahns in need. No good deed goes unpunished.

There is a non-compulsory lifetime membership fee of $5 but if you don't wish to pay it, so be it. You can still participate and buy your groceries at cost.

Everyone asks about the catch; as I can see it there are three:

1. You can only order and pick up your food once a month, so the fresh produce in your order will probably have to be supplemented sometime before the next delivery. Also, you have to be diligent about using your produce without wasting it; else you're not getting as good of a deal.

2. Team Sites and Times- You cannot just go down to the store when you feel like it and pick up your food. You have to go to your team site (which you choose from the website; and there are hundreds located throughout the three valleys) and you have to go at the designated time for your site (they are all on the last Saturday of each month). I cannot tell you how many Saturdays the cute little black ladies at the Calvary Baptist Church have had to look at me puttering up to their church on my pink scooter; in my PJ’s with my hair wildly askew, armed with my reusable shopping bags (you provide your own bags- green is good!). Those poor church ladies must think that Satan drives a Metropolitan, as wild-eyed and incoherent as I am (I am NOT a morning person). If you do not get to your site within the specified time frame, your food will be donated to the Utah Food Bank and you do not get a refund.

3. Community Service- The co-op asks you to donate two hours every month to community service (sort of a pay it forward) and you sign your paper saying that you have done so. Every six months, two of those hours must be with the co-op itself: my favorite chore is the bagging party the Thursday before pick up. You sit at a table and bag rice or beans with a few other people. Everyone talks and laughs and I’ve met some great new friends that way; one of whom got me free insulation installed in my attic (Hi Jerri!).

Katrina likes working in the warehouse because it’s nice and cold and she gets to boss everyone around. Plus, she comes home with extras like eleven, 3-pound cantaloupes and a flat of tomatoes. How on earth can two people eat thirty-three pounds of cantaloupe before it rots? Thirty three pounds of melon does interesting things to the gastrointestinal order of ones body…

It’s all on the honor system. In the summer, I use the fact that I mow my neighbor’s lawns as my community service all summer. The trade off is that my neighbor shovels my snow all winter so he could use that as his service in the winter months. I, on the other hand have to walk old ladies across the blizzard-wracked streets all winter.

If you do work through your church or other organization, or care for an elderly of otherwise-abled family member, that counts as well.

Bottom line: A fool and his money are soon parted… Only a fool wouldn’t want to save tremendous amounts of money on something they cannot live without; especially in this economic downturn.

Make your money work for you and stretch your dollar as far as you possibly can. Even if money isn’t tight for you, why wouldn’t you put the dollars saved towards your next vacation or dinner out? Or donate the difference to charity? Whatever turns your crank.

See the link below for additional information, including the link to their website.

Take care and happy 4^th of July!

http://www.utahstories.com/utah_food_co_op.htm

Calendar Update

Here is the additional calendar listing all of the cool stuff in Salt Lake. Both caledars are still valid, this one just has more general info.

My Google Calendar

Since I'm a hip girl about town and many of you wonder where I am at any given moment, I am posting my google calendar so that you can join in and share in all of the cool stuff that happens in Salt Lake each week. Unfortunately, since this is my personal calendar, all of my crap is listed on here, as well. Sorry 'bout that.

What Should Have Been The Happiest Day Of My Life... But Wasn't

So we have an African American president; a departure from the traditional pale male and his name sounds somewhat akin to a well- known terrorist.

We actually stepped outside of our bible-waving, pulpit-thumping, narrow-minded pews for a brief moment and we made history.

The world will never be the same again, regardless of the quality of his presidency...

So why am I crying?

Because I spent the last two weeks planning a trip that was the most important trip I have ever taken. I called the courts, made the arrangements, picked a date and, most importantly, kept the secret.

... and today I bought the ring...

.513 Karat, white gold, simple solitaire. Nothing fancy, but great clarity and quality.

I wrote out what I wanted to say and I bought a beautiful diamond necklace in the shape of a star that I could give to her on our special day to let her know that I thank my lucky stars that she has been by my side for the last fifteen years and that I am so lucky to spend the remainder of our lifetimes together.

I was going to keep the necklace a secret and just give her the ring, so that she would have two special surprises. It didn’t work out that way…

I never cared one way or another about the gay marriage issue. I didn't need the government to sanction or validate what I already knew and accepted. Telling me that it's OK to live the way I've been living for twenty years isn't going to make a difference in the way I continue to live, so what's the point?

The point is that my love is no different from anyone else's so why should my recognition?

How can I be separate but equal? If you build a fence between me and everyone else, let them cross the fence but not me, how can I possible be equal to them? What's fair about that?

We traveled to California last month for our next door neighbors' wedding.

When I told my mom that we were going, she asked if we were getting married while we were there, too.

The thought had never even crossed my mind, but when she asked, my heart skipped a beat momentarily, and I YEARNED to say yes.

I don't want a 'holy union' or a 'commitment ceremony'. I want it to be real if I'm going to do it at all; and for a moment it could have been.

I thought once or twice since the trip that we should have done it while we were there, but I didn't want it to be a spur of the moment decision, like eloping on vacation in Vegas. I wanted it to be special, just like Katrina is special.

Besides, if we had gotten married on the last trip, and they amended the constitution after the fact to nullify it, there would be a bloody rampage by a psychotic lesbian in the streets of LA.

So I went down to the jeweler today and tried to be oblique about my intentions to buy an engagement ring. I asked to see several and the girl asked if it was for me or someone else. I sighed and said it was for someone else and she smiled and giggled and got everyone else on staff involved in the decision. They were so adorable and understanding.

“My neighbor’s gay. My sister’s gay. My hairdresser”, and on and on.

“What happens if the prop. passes?”

“I’ll just give her the necklace instead.”I was confident that this wouldn’t happen.

They wouldn’t TAKE AWAY the rights that had already been granted. There were bigger issues out there.

Apparently not…

I am personally a threat to the ‘sanctity’ of marriage. How, I don’t know, but apparently, I am.

What’s the current divorce rate?

So instead of posting a loving announcement that I am getting married, for real, I write these words through the tears of heartsick disappointment.

I gave Katrina the necklace and told her that I thank my lucky stars that she chose me to love and then I burst into tears. I told her that the necklace was not meant for today; that it was supposed to commemorate a bigger event than this.

We had both been watching the polls for prop. 8 (for different reasons) and knew that it was going to pass, so I pulled the ring out of my pocket and told her through my tears that I fervently wished I was giving her this instead.

We cried and held each other and thanked our lucky stars that, no matter what else happens, we still have each other, and a lifetime together…

And to the great state of California and 52% of its residents:

YOU CAN ALL SUCK IT!!!